White Spaces
Throughout history, societies have tried to be better than their forefathers because of treacherous and inexplicable behavior that affects those of lesser status. I have seen how people change, even when you think you know them well. I have paid close attention, as best I can, to the people around me because you never know what lurks beneath the surface or within their households.
This essay has been prompted by the recent killing of a young, exceptional Black man, Nolan Wells. The evidence is still under investigation, and the circumstances surrounding his death are a stark reminder of the fear many Black parents contend with. Here is what is known. A lone Black man was with his white friends and was later found dead. This wasn’t the first time a lone Black person was in the company of white friends and was found dead.
In 2018, Tamla Horsford, a Black woman and mother of five from Georgia, attended a sleepover at a mostly white friend’s home. She was the only Black participant and was found deceased the following morning. It isn’t uncommon for Black people to have white friends, as I do. However, no one knows what can set another person off.
These two unrelated tragedies forced me to confront issues I had pondered over the years, as I have spent my entire life navigating White Spaces. I had an experience with some white friends in England that left me shaken.
One evening, I was heading to a nightclub with my friends and some people I didn’t know. I rode with a group of white women. Mind you, I was the only Black person in a group of about ten. I didn’t think much of it because everyone was cordial and friendly. The evening went better than I had expected until the following day, when my friend came to apologize. She hadn’t done anything to me that would cause such a reaction, so I asked why she felt the need to apologize. She said that one of the passengers in the car had complained that she had to sit next to a Black man. I didn’t know what to say because this was my first time in the country, and I didn’t think I needed to conduct an intelligence analysis of the racial dynamics, but I kept it in mind going forward.
I’ve always worked in White Spaces, going back to my days at a pizzeria. I define these spaces as workplaces or social environments where Blacks and other minorities are outnumbered, and power dynamics aren’t favorable. While I believe my bosses were decent people, I’ve come to learn that, as they’ve gotten older, their views on society have changed. I’m fine with racial division, but when your social media posts are anti-diversity, I question how you actually feel and think about me.
Not every group has to ponder these questions, especially if you’re part of the dominant group. That reality relieves its participants of the struggles and stressors others face daily, particularly if they work in White Spaces.
Working in White Spaces requires constant recalibration because you never know where you stand. Another situation worth mentioning is the mistreatment I experienced while employed by the New Jersey State Police. On several occasions, I was disrespected and discriminated against because I was Black and worked in predominantly white-male environments. The stress of not knowing whom to trust and when the figurative knife would be stuck in my back took a toll on my health. I should never have been placed in such situations because diversity matters in a public law enforcement entity where all races and genders should be afforded an opportunity for employment. While I don’t fear White Spaces, I remain vigilant in them.
I cannot explain why things happen, but I can keep my eyes open to ensure my children are aware of certain situations. Coincidentally, my son went to a party with his classmates. I met the young man who invited him, but that is all I know about the situation. The party was uneventful from my perspective, but it wasn’t until later that afternoon that his mom shared a picture of those in attendance. To my surprise, my son was the only person of color. I wasn’t alarmed, but it made me think of Nolan Wells, who was also the only Black person in a group of white males.
I made a mental note, then sat my son down for a conversation. This conversation would be different from the one we had about what it means to be a young Black male if he were stopped by the police for any reason. I made him watch a video of what happened to Nolan Wells and asked what he thought. While he couldn’t understand why his “friends” might have done something to him, he understood that he needed to keep his eyes open and make good choices about whom he considers a friend. My son is eleven years old. It is a shame that children have to grow up so fast, but I’ll be damned if I don’t prepare him for what could happen in the future. This isn’t to disparage white people but to make him aware that, in the future, he may be the only person of color, hopefully not, in a working environment, and that he needs to be aware of certain situations he may encounter. A parent can never fully protect their offspring, but they can prepare them as best they can and hope they make wise decisions.
Lastly, one day my children and I will watch the movie “Get Out,” a “psychological horror thriller about a young Black man who uncovers a terrifying conspiracy when visiting his white girlfriend's family estate for the weekend." We will watch it not because it depicts modern-day society, but because sometimes fiction explains better what an older father trying to converse with his children from a different generation might miss.
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